Tips for talking to students about sexual assault
Sexual assault is disproportionately perpetrated against young adults and can have a major impact on college students and communities. CU Boulder has prevention programs and support resources available to support our campus community.
It’s also important to know that families play an important role in helping students learn about these issues, develop healthy relationship patterns and provide support.
Here are a few things everyone should know about sexual assault and tips for starting a conversation with your student.
Consent is key
CU has an affirmative consent standard
Consent isn’t something a student gives or gets during a sexual encounter. Instead, it’s important to help them understand that consent is a mutual understanding and agreement that people arrive at together. Consent includes words or actions (non-verbals and body language) that communicate a clear willingness and acceptance of a given sexual activity or behavior.
It’s also important to know that any student who is incapacitated by alcohol, drugs or for other factors cannot give consent, regardless of what they are saying or doing. Incapacitation is a state where someone cannot make a reasonable, rational decision because they lack the capacity to understand the “who, what, where, when or why” of a sexual interaction.
Setting boundaries is a skill
Remind your student that consent is an ongoing agreement, and people can change their minds or withdraw consent at any time during sexual activities. Helping students refine their skills and set boundaries can help ensure that they are able to communicate those boundaries with others and ask about their partner’s boundaries.
It’s important to talk to your student about how they can stay in tune with their partner’s experience. Encourage them to check in with the other person before initiating sexual behavior or changing activities. Similarly, it’s important to help your student learn to identify behaviors that match their own desires and boundaries versus behaviors that do not.
Share accurate information
Sexual assault prevention is a community effort
When talking to your student about sexual assault prevention, it’s important to avoid recommending actions that place blame on the person who experienced assault. It is more helpful to focus on looking out for each other, building friend groups that keep each other safe and accountable, intervening when something feels off and standing up to negative peer pressure. These strategies can help students build safer communities because it creates a culture where people are expected to treat each other well and respect the wishes of others.
Sexual assault can include a wide range of experiences
Sexual assault includes any unwanted sexual contact or behaviors that a person did not or was not able to consent to.
Sexual assault can include, but is not limited to, the following:
- Unwanted penetration or contact, including vaginal, anal or oral sex (this includes penetration by an object or another person’s body part)
- Unwanted touching of private body parts (e.g., butt, breasts, genitals)
Keep in mind that sexual assault can also include attempted assault using any of the methods listed above. Additional forms of sexual and relationship harm include sexual harassment, exploitation (e.g., sharing nudes, videotaping sexual acts without consent, etc.), as well as intimate partner abuse such as dating violence and stalking.
Tips for talking to your student
While sexual assault can be a difficult subject to broach, having conversations can help your student identify problematic situations, support their friends and navigate relationships in a healthy way. Here are some tips to help you talk with your student about sexual assault and other forms of relationship harm.
Weave it into routine conversations
Look for opportunities to discuss sex, dating and healthy communication as part of your everyday interactions. Be sure to discuss how cultural expectations around gender, religion, pornography and more, might influence your student’s perceptions or behavior.
If you call to check in with your student, ask about their new friends and relationships. If they open up, encourage them to explore their own beliefs and values about what they want from potential partners and their dating experiences. If they talk about a friend’s relationship or things that they are seeing in college, that can open the door to this conversation as well.
Explore red flags together
Encourage your student to think through red flags that may be warning signs of a potential sexual assault and abuse in a relationship. Red flags can include someone disregarding others’ boundaries, not listening to others, being persistent about pursuing sex with someone who seems reluctant, hitting on the drunkest person at a party or trying to get someone alone or away from their friends at a party. Remind your student that most people understand boundaries, consent and respectful behavior, they just may choose not to. It’s important for students to recognize these behaviors in those around them, even whenyour student considers them friends.
Encourage your student to look out for others
If something feels weird or wrong, it probably is. If your student sees a situation where someone seems uncomfortable or unsafe, encourage them to find a way to check on that person or get them out of the situation. Remind your student that it’s okay to make up an excuse to interject or disrupt an uncomfortable or problematic situation. Bystanders are particularly important in situations where someone is being pursued sexually because of their level of intoxication, or if a person has been intentionally drugged in an attempt to facilitate sexual assault. Remind your student that impaired or incapacitated people are usually unable to protect or advocate for themselves.
Share support resources
Resources are available for students who have experienced sexual assault, want to help a friend or want to learn more about sexual assault prevention. 鶹Ժ often go to friends first if something bad happens, and they may reach out to family members as well. Having the skills to respond effectively without blame or judgment is important to keep in mind.
Here are some support resources that can help your student.
Office of Victim Assistance (OVA)
There may be times when your student wants to speak confidentially or hypothetically about sexual misconduct, sexual assault, intimate partner abuse, stalking, discrimination or harassment. OVA is a free and confidential resource staffed by professional advocate counselors that support students through traumatic or life-changing events. They offer short-term trauma-focused counseling, advocacy and more. OVA is also a great resources to help students support a friend or partner who has been impacted by sexual assault.
*Confidential resource
Office of Institutional Equity and Compliance (OIEC)
OIEC implements and enforces university policies around sexual assault, intimate partner abuse and stalking, and other forms of sexual misconduct. If you or someone you know at CU has been impacted, reports can be filed online. Anonymous reporting is an option as well.
OIEC also provides prevention education. Workshops about sex and consent, bystander intervention and microaggressions are available to all students.
Don't Ignore It
Explore your options for seeking confidential support, reporting concerns and learning skills for helping others. If something seems off, it probably is—don't ignore it.
Support for international students, staff and faculty
Individuals who have experienced certain crimes, such as sexual assault or domestic violence, may be eligible for U.S. immigration relief through the or , regardless of their immigration status. Please speak with an immigration attorney or a non-profit organization that assists immigrants to learn more about the eligibility requirements, application process, and timeline.
Mandatory reporting policy
All university employees who have the authority to hire, promote, discipline, evaluate, grade, formally advise or direct faculty, staff or students are considered "responsible employees" and are required to report alleged misconduct to the Office of Institutional Equity and Compliance (OIEC). This includes, but is not limited to resident advisors, teaching assistants, professors, graduate instructors, academic advisors, coaches or other university employees with supervisory authority.
Any sexual misconduct, intimate partner abuse (including dating and domestic violence), stalking, protected-class discrimination or harassment, or related retaliation disclosed to a responsible employee must be reported to OIEC. The person impacted has the choice about if and how they want to proceed. Reporting is required to help ensure that people understand their rights and options and the resources available.
*Note: Confidential campus resources are exempt from CU Boulder’s mandatory reporting policy, including the Office of Victim Assistance (OVA), Counseling and Psychiatric Services (CAPS), Faculty and Staff Assistance Program (FSAP) and Ombuds.