Bystander Intervention

Being an effective bystander

Why do I need bystander skills?ÌęHaving the skills to address problems, reduce harm, and deal with concerning situations that we witnessÌęis a critical way to contribute to a positive culture on campus. These are skills that we can all use throughout our lifetime in almost any context.

People want to help

  • Helping is core to being human and most people are highly motivated to look out for each other.
  • We help for lots of different reasons like empathy, concern, social expectations, Karma, guilt, and moral obligation. At different times, in different situations, we might be motivated to help for different reasons.

You can reduce harm in the moment

  • It’s usually not possible to solve everything in a situation where someone needs help, but small actions can have a big impact.

People can get better at helping

  • You can expand your skills and develop more strategies for intervening that are both a good fit for the situation and a good fit for you.

Bystander Awareness

Effective strategies for helping

There are many different kinds of situations where people need help, but there are a few key strategies that work in almost any context.

Ìę ÌęBe DirectÌę
Some situations are straightforward, like when someone falls on the stairs or clearly needs help and can’t help themselves, and being direct may be your best option.

ÌęBe Creative,ÌęUse DistractionÌę
Sometimes being direct has the potential to backfire, especially if tempers are high or people have been drinking, or if you’re worried you might be reading the situation wrong. Creating a distraction to draw attention away from a problem or interrupting a bad interaction can be very effective.

ÌęBe Creative,ÌęGo CovertÌę
This is the art of flying under the radar. This strategy can be really useful when you don’t want to make people mad or risk embarrassing them, or draw attention to what you are doing. A successful “covert” intervention might not look like an intervention at all to someone else watching the situation.

ÌęBe Resourceful, Get Other HelpersÌę
Sometimes the best strategy is to alert others of the situation. This may mean getting someone who is better positioned to help or who has the authority to address the problem. It may also just mean getting more people around you to recognize the problem and join in helping.

Ìę ÌęNow vs. LaterÌę
Sometimes helping doesn’t have to be limited to right there in the moment. In situations that aren’t emergencies, if we’re acquainted with the people involved, we have the option to talk to them at a later time. In some situations, the most effective time to act may be later, not on the spot. You may want time to gather your thoughts or think about what to say.

Situations:

Restaurant at night

Person who has had too much to drink

It’s almost closing time at a bar where you’ve been having a fun time hanging out with your friends. There’s a person who has clearly had too much to drink and you saw her friends leave without her about an hour ago after they had a loud disagreement. She’s talking to a guy who you haven’t noticed until now and he’s trying to help her get her coat on as he’s leading her to the door.

Evaluate the situation:

  • You don’t know either of these people, but trust your instincts. If it seems sketchy, it probably is sketchy.
  • Ask your friends if they see what you’re seeing, “Does that seem a little weird to you?”

Strategies for helping in the moment:

Ìę ÌęBe Direct:

  • Focusing on her, “Hey, we saw your friends leave before. We’ll help you get home.” Direct her away from the guy and either make sure she gets safely to her place or, if she is clear about where she lives and you feel ok about her leaving alone, help her call a friend or call for a ride and wait with her until they arrive.
  • Focusing on him, “That’s ok, we’ll help her get home from here.”
    • If he persists, you might ask him, “What’s your plan?” “Are you two friends?”

Ìę ÌęGo Covert:

  • Pretend like you know her and act really happy to see her again. Say that you want her to come with you and your friends to a party that’s not far away. Once you leave the bar, help her get home safely.
  • If it’s difficult to separate her from the guy, you and your friends can insist on helping them both get home safely. By walking with them, you’ll be able to get more information so you can better assess the situation and decide what’s best to do next.

Lecture chairs in a class room

Classroom comments

During a lively class discussion, another student makes a sweeping negative comment about people who have recently immigrated to the U.S. You feel pretty uncomfortable, but no one in the room speaks up about it, including the instructor. You are pretty sure that some people in the room might feel attacked or defensive.

Evaluate the situation:

  • Sometimes comments like these come as a surprise and the conversation moves on before you have a chance to say or do something. Even if you have time, it may be unclear whether the people who’ve been targeted would want you to intervene.
    • According to research conducted at Penn State, people who’ve been targeted in this way report that the most helpful action bystanders can take is to let them know you don’t agree with the problematic comment/behavior.ÌęThis same research indicated that ignoring the situation was the least helpful thing bystanders could do, even if the good intention was to keep from drawing more attention to the negative situation.

Strategies for helping in the moment:

Ìę ÌęBe Direct:

  • It isn’t necessary to be confrontational to be effective. Possible things to say in response could be:
    • “What do you mean?”
    • “I don’t agree with that. What’s your evidence for that?”
    • “I’m not sure I heard you right. Could you say that again?”
    • “That’s messed up.”

Strategies for helping after the fact:

  • After class, connect with someone who might have felt targeted. Let them know that you don’t agree with what was said. Ask them if they’re ok. If possible, let them know that you will speak up if someone says something like this again in class.
  • Talk with the instructor. Ask if they would be able to address the comment the next time the class meets; ask them to talk outside of class to the student who made the comment.
  • Protected class harassment that is committed by a CU community member is a violation of university policy. If the instructor is unable to take action to address this behavior, consider reporting the incident to the

Âé¶čÒùÔș eating in C4C dining

Frustrated person in line

You’re waiting in line for breakfast in the dining hall. It’s a busy time and the line is moving slowly. The person in front of you seems frustrated and when their turn comes to put in their order, they make a really mean comment to the server. At first the server looks surprised, but then they just put their head down without saying anything and work on cooking the order.

Evaluate the situation:

  • You don’t know either of these people, but you heard the mean comment clearly and you saw that it had an impact on the server.
  • You eat in this dining hall almost every morning and this dining staff member is usually there serving food at this station. You haven’t noticed the person who made the comment before, but you might run into them in the future. Whatever you do, you’ll likely be having interactions with both people again at some point.
  • You imagine that the server might be embarrassed by the comment and you don’t want to make things worse or draw more attention to the situation, butÌęin fact, research shows that ignoring a situation where someone is being verbally abused is perceived as the least helpful bystander behavior, even if the intention is to avoid additional embarrassment for the person being targeted.

Strategies for helping in the moment:

Ìę ÌęBe Direct:

  • Talk to the person who made the comment. It isn’t necessary to be confrontational. In fact, using a kind tone is likely to be more effective. Possible things to say in response could be:
    • “Ouch. That was harsh.”
    • “It’s totally frustrating that the lines are so long, but that’s not the fault of the people who work here.”
    • "Are you ok? You seem really stressed out.”
  • When your turn comes to put in your order, let the server know that you heard the comment, it wasn’t ok, and you’re sorry the other person said it.

Strategies for helping after the fact:

  • Talk to the dining staff person at a different time. Mention the circumstance and what you heard, and let them know it was messed up.
  • Talk to a staff supervisor. Let them know what happened and who the comment was made to. The supervisor can connect with the server and let them know you noticed and thought the mean comment was a problem.

A path at night

Person asleep or passed out

You’re coming home with your friends from a party on the Hill and you notice a person who appears to be asleep or passed out lying in the grass.

Evaluate the situation:

  • Personal safety might be your first thought. Consider what you can do that feels safe and helps the person.
  • The situation will likely have a better outcome if you can enlist the support of your friends or of other bystanders.

Strategies for helping in the moment:

Ìę ÌęBe Direct:

  • Try to rouse the person by being loud or tapping their leg.
    • If the person isn’t responsive, it’s time to call 911.
  • If the person is responsive, help them call a friend, or an Uber/Lyft, and wait with them until the friend or ride arrives.

Bicycle leaning outside Woodbury building

Bicyclist in an accident?

You’re walking across an intersection when you notice a person sitting in the grass next to the sidewalk. Their backpack is wide open and there are books and notebooks and personal items spread out on the grass; the person is rubbing their knee and their bike seems like it might be messed up.ÌęIt’s hard to tell what may have happened and everyone else is just walking by without saying anything to the person.

Evaluate the situation:

  • This situation is tricky since you didn’t see what happened and other bystanders don’t seem concerned. You’re ready to offer help if it’s wanted, but you don’t want to intrude if there’s nothing wrong. Keep in mind that if the bicyclist has been involved in an accident, this person may be too upset, embarrassed, or angry to ask for help, even if they need it.
  • Talk with someone else nearby. “Do you think that person is ok? It seems like they may have wiped out, but no one’s helping them.”

Strategies for helping in the moment:

Ìę ÌęBe Direct:

  • Say what you see, “Hey, you look like you might have had a problem with your bike.”
    • Next, you can make it easier for the person to accept your help if you just start helping, “I can help you get your stuff back in your backpack.” (move to collect their things, but wait for approval before you start)
  • Make a clear offer of help, “If you’re hurt, I can help you with your bike.”
  • Once you talk to the person, you can determine the seriousness (or not) of the situation and whether they need more help than you’re able to give. You can offer to call a friend or a ride, or call for medical help.

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Couple arguing

You take the bus to campus every day. One morning a couple shows up at the bus stop and she’s talking to him in a really mean voice. It seems like he’s trying to reason with her, but she’s just getting angrier. She grabs him by the arm and gets in his face. You can’t hear what she’s saying, but you can see that he’s trying to pull away from her. Then she hits him.

Evaluate the situation:

  • Talk with someone else nearby. “Do you think that person is ok?” If other people are noticing, it may be possible to do something together.
  • Watch the situation and if things get worse, be ready to call for help.
  • You don’t want to escalate the situation, but you also don’t want to pretend as though it isn’t happening. Research shows that ignoring a situation where someone is being abused is perceived by the victim as the least helpful bystander behavior, even if the intention is to avoid additional embarrassment or harm for the person being abused.

Strategies for helping in the moment:

Ìę ÌęBe Direct:

Caution: This is a high risk situation that could escalate and a direct strategy may not be the most effective.Ìę

  • Make eye contact with the person being yelled at to let them know you see what’s happening. Use your body language and facial expression to convey your concern.
  • Ask him if he’s ok. Ìę

Ìę ÌęUse Distraction:Ìę

  • Draw attention to yourself by “accidentally” dropping your things or pretending to trip. It’s not a solution to intimate partner violence, but it may de-escalate the intensity of the situation.
  • Talk really loudly on your phone.
  • Pretend that you haven’t noticed there’s a problem and interrupt them to ask them if they know how often the bus comes.

Ìę ÌęGo Covert:

  • Text a friend and tell them where you are and what’s going on. Ask the friend to call the police.

Empty work break room

Mean-spirited comment

You’re grabbing something from the refrigerator in the kitchen area where people from your department are eating lunch. You hear someone make a mean-spirited comment about something in the news and you believe that there are people in the room who might feel attacked by the comment, but may be hesitant to speak up.ÌęThis kind of thing has happened in the past and some people in the department have stopped eating lunch in the kitchen.

Evaluate the situation:

  • Since you walked in on the conversation, you might not be sure if there’s really a problem. It could be useful to gather more information by joining the people having lunch.
  • If you can’t join the group for lunch, connect later in the day with someone who was there. Ask about the comment and if you interpreted the situation correctly.

Strategies for helping in the moment:

Ìę ÌęBe Direct:

  • Use humor (kindly): “Yikes, talking about the news is going to make me too sad to eat. How ‘bout them Broncos!

Ìę ÌęUse Distraction:Ìę

  • Since you’re in the kitchen, spill or drop something to draw everyone’s attention and reduce the likelihood that the problematic comments will continue.

Ìę ÌęGo Covert:

  • Interrupt the conversation as if you hadn’t heard the comment and introduce something completely neutral to the discussion: “Hey, did you hear that they’re going to renovate the third floor? And how ‘bout them Broncos!”

Strategies for helping after the fact:

  • Talk with the person(s) who may have felt targeted by the comment(s).
    • Share your interpretation of what you heard and let them know that you don’t agree
    • Ask them how you can support them at work
  • Talk with the person who made the comment(s).
    • With kindness, “I know that you weren’t wanting people to feel bad, but that comment you made was kind of rough.”
  • If this type of incident has happened before, talk to a supervisor
    • Ask for help in creating explicit workplace rules for your unit that emphasize creating a positive culture where everyone feels welcome. Suggest that the unit develop these guidelines together as a team to create more shared understanding, buy-in, and accountability
  • Make aÌę“Red/yellow/green light” agreement.
    • Conversations about the intentions and interpretations of problematic comments often become very contentious. One solution is to agree as a group that if someone says something that is interpreted as hurtful or offensive, other group members can respond with just “red light” or “yellow light” to let the speaker know that the comment is crossing/about to cross a line for them. This approach can help people deal with issues as they arise in the moment without feeling helpless or attacked, and also can reduce hostility and resentment on all sides.

Empty hallway

Intimidation/humiliation

Someone with authority in your department is known for saying things or behaving in ways that intimidate or humiliate untenured faculty/junior staff/graduate students (depending on the department).ÌęOne morning you have to pass by a tense interaction in the hall in order to get to your office. This person is berating someone from the department in a way that you’ve seen them do before to other people.ÌęThe person being yelled at isn’t saying anything.

Evaluate the situation:

  • If this person has authority over you as well, you will likely be hesitant to do or say something that might make the person turn on you. Depending on how much this is a concern to you, it can be valuable to think through approaching the situation in way that reduces that risk.
  • You may not be sure what’s going on and it might feel like you are stepping in where your help is not needed. Or, you might feel strongly that no matter what the situation, it’s not okay for people in the department to treat people so badly.

Strategies for helping in the moment:

Ìę ÌęBe Direct:

  • Connect with the person who is yelling and gently ask them to have the conversation in private. This lets the “yeller” know that other people are noticing their problematic behavior.
  • Calmly and kindly, ask the person who’s yelling, “Is everything ok? You seem really upset.”
  • Find a sympathetic department leader and ask them to take a quick walk with you to see what is happening: “I’m so sorry to bother you. I need your help with something. Could I get you to come with me for just a minute or two?”

Ìę ÌęUse Distraction:Ìę

  • Standing near the two people, draw attention to yourself by “accidentally” dropping all the contents out of your backpack or bag, or the contents of your water bottle, or anything that will cause a distraction and take a few minutes to clean up.
  • Pretend to smack your hand on the wall as you walk by them; make a big production about how much it hurts.

Ìę ÌęGo Covert:

  • Pretending to be oblivious to the situation, approach the person being yelled at and let them know that someone in authority in the department is looking for them and ask them to come with you. The person yelling at them is unlikely to object if they think someone in the department leadership is involved.

Strategies for helping after the fact:

  • Connect with the person who was being yelled at to let them know that what happened was not ok and that you support them. Help them brainstorm strategies for how to cope with the problem.
  • Talk to a sympathetic department leader. They may not be aware of how serious the situation is.
  • If the problem happens frequently and you can’t get support from other department leaders, you and your colleagues could create an agreement that whenever this person starts targeting someone in public, those in the vicinity will come and stand and watch in the area near the interaction, and will text others to come and join them (text “code blue,” for instance). Our tendency is to flee when this type of behavior erupts, but being observed is a powerful way to make someone aware that their behavior is inappropriate.
  • If the target of abuse is a student, encourage them to have a confidential conversation with the Office of Victim Assistance (OVA) or the Ombuds office. They can provide support and help them work on strategies and skills for coping with and improving the situation.
  • If the target of abuse is a professional staff or faculty member, encourage them to have a confidential conversation with someone in the Faculty and Staff Assistance Program (FSAP), the Ombuds office, or the Office of Victim Assistance; additionally, faculty can seek support from Faculty Relations. Staff in these offices can help them work on strategies and skills for coping with and improving the situation.