Sexual Health

5 things everyone should know about sexual assault

Anonymous — Thu, 28 Mar 2024 06:00:00 +0000

5 things everyone should know about sexual assault Anonymous (not verified) Thu, 03/28/2024 - 00:00

Sexual assault is all too common in our society and can have lasting impacts on individuals and communities.

Here are five things everyone should know about sexual assault.

1. Sexual assault can happen to anyone

The reality is that most sexual assaults are carried out by people who know the person they assault, including friends, acquaintances, classmates, co-workers, partners, exes, neighbors, dates or someone they met online or at a party. This often contradicts what people believe about who commits sexual assault and can make it more difficult to recognize when an assault happens. People who commit sexual assault take advantage of situational vulnerabilities to exert their will and operate from a sense of entitlement to someone else’s body.

Sexual assault can happen to anyone, though because of oppression and discrimination, women, people with disabilities and those who identify as bisexual or transgender are disproportionately impacted.

2. Consent is key

Consent is an ongoing agreement that people arrive at together. Consent can include words or actions that create mutual understanding, clear willingness and acceptance of any sexual activity.

Consent must be established before people engage in a sexual activity. This gives each person the opportunity to set personal boundaries and to understand the boundaries of others.

Here are a few essential things to know about consent:

Regardless of relationship status or sexual history, consent is required for every sexual encounter.
Body language, words and other non-verbal cues are all acceptable ways to demonstrate non-consent. Tuning into these signals is key to avoid overstepping boundaries, even when a person doesn’t feel comfortable addressing them directly or explicitly.
Consent is mutual. For instance, if someone consents to sex with a condom but their partner doesn’t use one, that is not consent. This behavior is often referred to as “stealthing.”
People can—and often do—change their minds about what they want to or are willing to do sexually. If you or a partner signal that they want an activity to stop, that choice must be respected.
Agreeing to one sexual activity doesn’t mean the person agrees to do another activity, the same activity at a different time or the same activity with a different person. For instance, making out with someone doesn’t mean they consent to other sexual activities.
Anyone who is incapacitated by alcohol, drugs or anything else cannot give consent, regardless of what they are saying or doing. Incapacitation is a state where someone cannot make a reasonable, rational decision because they lack the capacity to understand the “who, what, where, when or why” of a sexual interaction.

Learn more about affirmative consent

3. Sexual assault can include a wide range of experiences

Sexual assault includes any unwanted sexual contact or behaviors that a person did not, or was not able to, consent to.

This can include, but is not limited to, the following:

Unwanted penetration, including vaginal, anal or oral sex. This also includes penetration by an object or another person’s body part(s).
Unwanted touching of someone’s butt, breasts or genitals.

Keep in mind that attempted touching, contact and penetration are also considered sexual assault. Additional forms of sexual harm include sexual harassment, exploitation (e.g., sharing nudes, videotaping sexual acts without consent, etc.) as well as abuse by an intimate partner.

Both sexual assault and sexual misconduct refer to legal thresholds under campus policy and criminal law. Harmful sexual experiences can still happen outside of these parameters.

If you or someone you know isn’t sure whether an experience may have been sexual assault, confidential advocate counselors on campus are available for free and confidential consultations, trauma-focused counseling and support. Advocate counselors with the Office of Victim Assistance (OVA) are here to help students, staff and faculty understand and process their experiences as well as learn about their rights and options. Remember, you don’t have to know what to make of an experience to get support. Give them a call at 303-492-8855 or schedule an appointment.

4. Sexual assault can be prevented

Buffs should look out for each other, speak up about concerning behaviors and situations and take steps to create better interactions and a safer community.

Here are some ways to help improve and practice bystander skills:

Learn to identify high-risk situations
Keep an eye on people who hit on the drunkest person at a party, encourage others to over-drink, try to get a drunk person alone or away from their friends, are persistent about pursuing someone sexually or commit low-level boundary violations. It’s not that people don’t understand consent, it’s that some people aren’t interested in honoring it.

Intervene in concerning situations
If you see someone in a potentially harmful or high-risk situation, you can do something to intervene. Bystanders are particularly important in situations where someone is being pursued by someone else because of their level of intoxication, or if a person has been intentionally drugged in an attempt to facilitate sexual assault.

Keep track of friends
At parties, high-proof alcohol mixed with sweet punch or juice might be served to increase the likelihood that people will become intoxicated. It’s common for those who perpetrate sexual assault to encourage alcohol consumption or target those who seem incapacitated. It’s important to check in with a friend if you observe any sudden changes (e.g., difficulty standing, disorientation, etc.) that might indicate they’ve had too much to drink.

Don’t leave someone behind
Commit to not ditching someone if they have too much to drink and/or become unwilling to stick with the plan to stay together. Sticking together decreases the likelihood that someone will have to rely on lesser-known friends or strangers to get home. It’s also important to consider whether someone who is offering to walk a person home or look after an intoxicated person is trustworthy or is potentially looking for access to someone who is vulnerable.

Trust your instincts
If a situation feels weird or wrong, it probably is. If you think someone’s behavior feels uncomfortable or unsafe, follow your gut. It’s okay to make up an excuse to interject or interrupt a situation that feels ‘off.’ You can act like you don’t feel well and need them to leave with you, you need them to check on a friend or you want them to go with you to get something to eat.

5. Support is available

Resources are available for those who have experienced sexual assault, who want to support friends and survivors, or who want to learn more about sexual assault prevention. �鶹��Ժ often reach out to friends or family members first when something bad happens. Having the skills to respond effectively without blame or judgment is vital. Learn more skills for supporting your friends through the aftermath of a traumatic event.

Here are some of the resources available to support survivors and friends at CU Boulder:

Office of Victim Assistance (OVA)

OVA provides free and confidential information, consultation, support, advocacy and short-term, trauma-focused counseling services for students, grad students, faculty and staff who have experienced a traumatic, disturbing or life-disruptive event, including sexual assault and harassment.

Confidential resource

Office of Institutional Equity and Compliance (OIEC)

OIEC implements and enforces university policies around sexual assault, intimate partner abuse and stalking, and other forms of sexual misconduct. If you or someone you know at CU has been impacted, reports can be filed online. Anonymous reporting is an option as well.

Don't Ignore It

Explore your options for seeking confidential support, reporting concerns and learning skills for helping others. If something seems off, it probably is—don't ignore it.

Mandatory reporting

All university employees who have the authority to hire, promote, discipline, evaluate, grade, formally advise or direct faculty, staff or students are considered "responsible employees" and are required to report alleged misconduct to the Office of Institutional Equity and Compliance (OIEC). This includes resident advisors, teaching assistants, professors, graduate instructors, academic advisors, coaches or other university employees with oversight authority.

Any sexual misconduct, intimate partner abuse (including dating and domestic violence), stalking, protected-class discrimination or harassment, or related retaliation disclosed to a responsible employee must be reported to OIEC. The person impacted has the choice about whether and how they want to proceed. Reporting is required to help ensure that people understand their rights and options and the resources available.

Note: Confidential campus resources are exempt from CU Boulder’s mandatory reporting policy, including the Office of Victim Assistance (OVA), Counseling and Psychiatric Services (CAPS), Psychological Health and Performance (PHP), Faculty and Staff Assistance Program (FSAP) and Ombuds.

Learn more about mandatory reporting

Sexual assault is all too common in our society and can have lasting impacts on individuals and communities. Here are five things everyone should know about sexual assault.

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9 ways to take care of your sexual health in college

Anonymous — Wed, 21 Feb 2024 15:33:17 +0000

9 ways to take care of your sexual health in college Anonymous (not verified) Wed, 02/21/2024 - 08:33

College can be a great time to learn about sexual health, how to care for yourself and have healthy, pleasurable sex. Here are nine things you can do to take care of your sexual health in college (and beyond).

1. Schedule an annual wellness visit

Young adults are encouraged to start attending annual wellness visits. During these appointments, providers will track baseline health information, screen for cancer and treat sexually transmitted infections (STIs) if needed. They may also review your medical history,

take your blood pressure and screen for mental health concerns, like depression or anxiety.

These exams may also include sex-specific evaluations, such as:

Breast or chest exam: Your provider may visually examine and use their hands to palpate your breasts or chest. They are looking for irregularities that may indicate breast cancer.
Pelvic exam: Your provider may visually inspect your external genitalia for signs of infection. They may use their hands to check for abnormal lumps or bumps, internally or externally. If you have a cervix, your provider may also insert a metal speculum in your vagina and collect some internal cells with a long q-tip. This sample is then tested for any abnormalities that may indicate the development of cancer.

We encourage you to work with your provider to determine which screenings feel right for you. You can also set boundaries with your provider and communicate ways they can help keep you comfortable. Here are some examples of questions you can ask your provider:

“Can you please describe what you’re going to do before each step?”
“Will you wait for me to tell you it’s okay before you touch each new part of my body?”
“Can I bring a friend or have a second medical professional in the room while we do the exam?”

�鶹��Ժ can schedule annual wellness visits and preventative care through Medical Services. Most health insurance plans will cover an annual wellness visit once per year, though additional charges may occur if specific concerns are addressed during that visit.

2. Consider vaccines or medications for STI prevention

Did you know there are vaccines and other medications that can help reduce your chances of contracting or spreading infections that can be transmitted sexually?

Vaccines are available for:

Human Papilloma Virus (HPV): HPV is the most common sexually transmitted infection in the U.S. Some forms of HPV can cause genital warts, while others can lead to cervical cancer.
Hepatitis A (HAV) and Hepatitis B (HBV): HAV and HVB can cause a liver infection that can lead to short-term illness or longer-term health issues, including liver cancer.
Meningococcal B (meningitis): Meningitis is an inflammatory infection that causes swelling to the brain and spinal cord, which can be fatal and requires immediate medical attention.
Mpox: Mpox is a rare infection that can cause symptoms similar to, but less severe than, smallpox. This vaccine is only available to those who meet specific criteria.

Oral medications are available for:

HIV: Medications are available to help prevent HIV for high-risk individuals before and after exposure from sex or intravenous drug use. These medications are only available to those who meet specific criteria.
Syphilis, Chlamydia and Gonorrhea: Antibacterial medications are available to help prevent active infections for syphilis, chlamydia and gonorrhea, which can lead to long-term health complications like nervous system damage, pelvic inflammatory disease (PID) and more.

Talk with your provider to determine which vaccines or medications may be right for you.

Vaccines available at Medical Services

3. Explore what sex means to you

For many students, college provides an opportunity to learn about and explore sexual relationships. Choosing whether to have sex is your decision, and it is important to think through what you want before engaging in sexual activities.

Take some time to think about your values, preferences and boundaries when it comes to sex. For instance, you may explore your beliefs around the type of touch you want, how you feel about non-sober sex, unplanned pregnancy, porn and erotica, safer sex practices and boundaries you want to have with sexual partners.

Check out our free Sex Ed Workbook to start exploring!

Download the Sex Ed Workbook

4. Get to know your body

Whether you’re sexually active or not, taking time to learn about your unique body, cues, boundaries and desire can help you understand what you want and what feels good.

Here are some ways you can explore your body and desire through fantasy, solo sex and partnered sex:

Exploring how your body responds to erotica, watching porn or fantasizing
Noticing how pace, pressure and location can shift the way it feels to be touched
Paying attention to what parts of your body you are self-conscious about and leaning into self-compassion
Staying open to the possibility that sensations may feel different day-to-day or partner-to-partner

Physical sensations can impact how you experience pleasure, safety, discomfort and distress. Working to get more in tune with your body means you have a better chance of what feels good for you.

For many reasons, getting in touch with our bodies can be difficult. Go at your own pace and take it slow if you need to. As you get more comfortable with the sensations of your body (and mind), you may feel more equipped to tell or show your partner(s) what feels good for you. Being able to advocate for yourself in this way can help you set boundaries, ask for what you want and have more pleasurable sexual experiences.

5. Talk about sex with your partner(s)

Talking with your partner(s) about sex can help you have a better experience before, during and after. Here are a few things you should consider discussing:

Defining expectations: Discussing expectations can help you understand your shared values and perspectives around relationships and sex. Try your best to be clear about whether you want casual sex, something exclusive, a committed relationship or something else.

Setting boundaries: Discussing boundaries can help you and your partner(s) identify what kinds of activities are off-limits (for the time being). You can also use this opportunity to discuss things you are interested in doing or trying as well as things you may be neutral about. Keep in mind that your partner may not be willing or interested in doing things that you’re ‘into’ and vice versa, and that’s okay.

Defining sex: It’s common for people to define sex differently. For instance, some people may define ‘sex’ as vaginal penetration only. Others may define it as anything involving genital touching or other forms of penetration, including oral sex. That’s why it’s important to be explicit with your partner about how you both define sex to ensure you have an understanding of where each person is coming from.

Learning to advocate for your own pleasure: We can’t expect people to read our minds, just like we can’t expect them to know what feels good for us. That’s why it’s important for partners to share what feels good (and what doesn’t) and listen to each other. When you start engaging in sexual behaviors, try to tell or show your partner what feels good for you and ask them to do the same. Keep in mind that some people may not want ‘feedback’ on their performance, so it may be helpful to discuss the best way to tell a partner or show them what you’d like and vice versa. Advocating for your pleasure can be challenging for many people and it can take time to become comfortable openly discussing sex with your partner(s). It may not always work out the way you want, but it’s critical that partners can listen to and respect what each other wants without pushing anyone past what they’re comfortable with.

6. Explore birth control options

If you’re concerned about the risks of an unplanned pregnancy, consider taking some time to explore birth control options.

For individuals who can get pregnant, birth control comes in a variety of forms, including pills, implants, vaginal rings, patches, injections and more. Medical Services is available for birth control consultations to walk you through short- and long-term options, potential side effects and application.

Consider talking with your partner about what protection works best and how much risk you each are willing to take when it comes to unprotected sex or unplanned pregnancy.

Talk with your partner(s) about the risk of pregnancy and which type of protection may work best for you. This can include hormonal birth control, copper-based birth control or condoms. Keep in mind that birth control does not prevent sexually transmitted infections (STIs).

If you or your partner are concerned about unplanned pregnancy after unprotected sex, you can use emergency contraceptives like Plan B or Ella. You can also pick up or purchase emergency contraceptives to keep on hand before sex. Just be sure to monitor the expiration date to ensure it is still effective.

Emergency contraceptives are available for free at the Apothecary Pharmacy in Wardenburg Health Center. They are also available for purchase at other local pharmacies with or without a prescription.

Please note: Emergency contraception is a safe and effective way to prevent unintended pregnancy after unprotected sex. Emergency contraception will not cause an abortion.

7. Use barriers

While contraceptives and birth control can help prevent pregnancy, they do not protect against sexually transmitted infections.

Using physical barriers during sex and foreplay can help protect you and your partner(s) against sexually transmitted infections (STIs). This can include things like external condoms, internal condoms and dental dams (for oral sex). These types of barriers are intended to reduce your contact with bodily fluids, which can spread STIs. For the best protection, it’s important to use a barrier every time you have oral, anal or vaginal sex.

When using barriers, make sure they’re not expired or damaged. Using a water- or silicone-based lubricant can also help decrease friction during sex. Less friction can help improve overall pleasure while reducing the risk of tearing sensitive tissues, which can increase your risk for STI transmission.

�鶹��Ժ can pick up free safer sex supplies, including lubricant and barriers, by visiting Wardenburg or by ordering a Buff Box for delivery to your residence hall. Supplies are located on the first floor in the Sexual and Reproductive Health Clinic as well as on the third floor in the Wellness Suite.

Learn about barriers and how to use them

8. Get tested

Sexually transmitted infections (STIs) include any infection that can pass from one person to another through sexual activities, including oral sex, vaginal sex, anal sex, genital contact or sexual fluids, like semen. These infections can be caused by bacteria, viruses or parasites.

Here are some tips for getting tested:

General recommendations: If you are sexually active, it is recommended that you get tested one to four times per year. Your medical provider can work with you to figure out the best frequency depending on your history, risk and other factors.

Your partner has tested positive: If you know your partner has tested positive for an STI, you should connect with a medical provider right away. You may be eligible for prophylaxis, which can reduce the chances of contracting certain infections. You can also receive immediate treatment for STIs like chlamydia and gonorrhea.

You are experiencing symptoms: If you are experiencing symptoms like itching, burning, or pain, contact a medical provider about testing options.

You have no symptoms but are concerned about exposure: If you’re concerned that you may have been exposed to an STI but are not experiencing any symptoms, you may want to wait a few weeks before testing. Consulting with a medical provider can help you determine appropriate testing options, timing and treatment options.

Medical Services provides STI screening appointments and drop-in testing options for students.

Please note: The most common symptom of an STI is no symptoms at all. Getting tested even if you don’t have symptoms can help protect you from developing complications and protect your future partners from infection.

Learn more about screening guidelines

9. Connect with campus resources

Health and Wellness Services offers a variety of services to help students address their sexual health.

Sexual and reproductive health

Medical Services providers are here to support all CU Boulder students learn about their bodies and take care of their sexual and reproductive health. Services include health exams, birth control, gynecological services, HPV vaccines, HIV prevention, pregnancy testing, gender-affirming hormone therapy, infection treatment and more.

STI testing

�鶹��Ժ can schedule an in-person appointment to get testing recommendations, review results or order STI tests from the lab. Drop-in testing is also available at the lab in Wardenburg Health Center.

Safer sex supplies

�鶹��Ժ living on campus can order a free Buff Box that includes supplies and information about safer sex, such as condoms, lube, finger cots, dental dams and tips for communicating with partners.

�鶹��Ժ living off campus can stop by Wardenburg Health Center to pick up free safer sex supplies on the third floor in the Wellness Suite and the first floor outside of the Sexual and Reproductive Health office.

Apothecary pharmacy

The Apothecary pharmacy provides prescription medications and over-the-counter products, including emergency contraception, condoms, pregnancy tests and more.

Unprotected sex

In the heat of the moment, practicing safer sex habits might not be the first thing on your mind. Learn what you should do after having unprotected sex.

Office of Victim Assistance (OVA)

Let’s Talk

Let’s Talk is a free service where CU Boulder students can check in for an informal, brief and confidential consultation with a counselor or psychiatrist. Let’s Talk provides a special hour on Tuesdays for sex and gender topics. This service is a great way to get connected with a mental health provider to talk through resources, get support and talk through your concerns.

Behavioral Health

Medical Services has licensed behavioral health professionals on staff to help you with everything from managing stress, getting connected with resources or finding ongoing mental health care. They are available to anyone who has an appointment at Medical Services and can be seen by request during your appointment.

Office of Institutional Equity and Compliance (OIEC)

Recognizing sexual assault

Sexual assault includes any unwanted sexual contact or behaviors that a person did not or was not able to consent to.

Sexual assault can include, but is not limited to, the following:

Unwanted penetration or contact, including vaginal, anal or oral sex (this includes penetration by an object or another person’s body part)
Unwanted touching of private body parts (e.g., butt, breasts, genitals)

Keep in mind that sexual assault can also include attempted sexual activity without consent. Someone going beyond what was agreed upon without further consent is also sexual assault. For instance, if you consent to sex with a condom and your partner doesn’t use one, that is not consent. This practice is often referred to as “stealthing.”

Learn more about sexual assault and available resources

College can be a great time to learn about sexual health, care for yourself and have healthy, pleasurable sex. Here are 10 things you can do to take care of your sexual health in college (and beyond).

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The ultimate wellness checklist for college students

Anonymous — Thu, 18 Jan 2024 21:04:43 +0000

The ultimate wellness checklist for college students Anonymous (not verified) Thu, 01/18/2024 - 14:04

College represents an intermediary step between adolescence and full-blown adulthood. That makes it a great time to learn about your health and set yourself up for long-term success.

Here is a comprehensive checklist you can use to help you thrive in college and beyond.

Complete your health requirements

All new students and transfer students need to complete the following requirements:

Immunization records and questionnaire
Personal health inventory (WellCheck)
Health insurance

�鶹��Ժ should try to complete these requirements as soon as possible. Failure to complete all of your health requirements by Sept. 15, 2024 can result in fees or an inability to register for spring classes.

Complete your health requirements

Transfer your prescriptions

Did you know that CU Boulder has a full-service pharmacy available right here on campus? If you’re currently taking prescription medications, we recommend transferring your prescriptions to the Apothecary Pharmacy. This will allow you to fill, refill and request prescriptions for pickup at Wardenburg Health Center on central campus.

To transfer your prescriptions, you’ll need to complete the following steps:

Fill out a “New User Form” online
Provide a copy of your medical and/or prescription insurance card
Fill out a “Prescription Transfer Request Form” online

Start transferring your prescriptions

Review your health history

Knowing about your personal and family health history is important, especially as you start to make appointments and visit healthcare providers on your own. Take some time to review important health information before your first appointment. You may need to call on family members to fill in the details. Here are a few things to include in your review:

Medications (doses, frequency, why they are taken, etc.)
Allergies (e.g., medications, foods, reactions, etc.)
Significant family medical history (e.g., cancer, asthma, diabetes, etc.)
Personal medical history (e.g., diagnoses, conditions, surgical history, etc.)
Vaccination history (e.g., types, dates administered, additional doses required, etc.)

You can also use this free, printable personal health information form to review health topics. Be sure to save this form somewhere secure that you can also easily access if you need to schedule a healthcare appointment or meet with a provider.

Want to keep this information handy? Consider keeping a note on your phone or saving a copy of your health information form in a place you can easily access during appointments (e.g., in a Google Drive or as a photo on your phone).

Download a free health history form

Protect yourself against preventable diseases

College campuses represent an ideal place for diseases to spread. While CU requires students to meet certain vaccination requirements, there are additional immunizations that we strongly recommend for all students, even if they’re not required.

Here are a few important immunizations that you can receive at Medical Services to help protect yourself in college and beyond:

Meningitis: Meningitis is a serious illness that can infect the brain, spinal cord and blood. This infection can cause lifelong disability or death if untreated. CU requires all students under the age of 23 living in campus-operated housing to receive the MenACWY meningitis vaccine. However, all students living in tight quarters on and off campus are also at risk, as this disease can be spread through saliva when an infected person coughs, shares utensils, borrows someone’s lip products or is in close contact with others. Protect yourself and your roommates by getting the MenACWY and Meningitis B vaccines.
HPV: Human papillomavirus (HPV) is a serious virus that can lead to long-term health effects, including genital warts and cervical cancer. This virus is considered a sexually transmitted infection (STI) and is spread through skin-to-skin contact and intercourse, including oral, anal and vaginal sex. It is one of the most common STIs in the world, and college students are at an increased risk of contracting or spreading HPV through unprotected sex.
COVID-19: While the height of the pandemic is over, we still recommend that students receive an annual COVID-19 vaccine. Getting a booster shot can help you avoid serious illness that may cause you to miss work or classes.
Flu: Like COVID-19, the flu can spread rapidly on college campuses, especially for those living and studying in close quarters. It’s important to know that the flu virus mutates every year, which is why annual flu vaccines are critical in preventing the spread. All CU Boulder students are eligible for a free flu shot from Medical Services during flu season.

Schedule a vaccination appointment

Learn about health insurance basics

Health insurance is probably one of those things you wish you would’ve learned about in high school or early in college. While insurance plans can be complex, understanding your policy is an important part of managing your health (and wallet).

If you feel overwhelmed navigating healthcare or insurance systems, you’re not alone. That’s why we’re here to help. Check out tips and tricks to help you understand the basics and make the most of your health insurance plan.

Learn how to use your health insurance

Register with Disability Services if you need accommodations

Disability Services provides reasonable housing, dining and academic accommodations for students with disabilities. Some examples of disabilities by category include, but are not limited to:

Learning disabilities and/or ADHD
Mental health conditions (e.g., anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, etc.)
Chronic health conditions (e.g., diabetes, Crohn’s, cancer, etc.)
Deafness and hearing loss
Blindness and low vision

If you have a disability and need accommodations, we recommend that you register with Disability Services as soon as possible. Disability Services can also support students with temporary medical conditions like a broken wrist or concussion. If you have any questions or if you’re unsure if you qualify for accommodations, you can reach out to dsinfo@colorado.edu for assistance.

Learn more about Disability Services

Create a safer sex plan

Sex is something we hear a lot about in college. Whether you're in a committed relationship or considering exploring sex for the first time, you’ll want to take some precautions to help keep you and your partner safe. Here are a few topics to review (preferably before you have sex).

Dating advice

You might want to date to get to know new people, start a relationship or casually hang out. It’s also okay if you’re not looking to date or hook up. If you are interested in engaging in romantic or casual relationships during your time here at CU, here are some tips for making dating fun and meaningful.

Unprotected sex

In the heat of the moment, practicing safer sex habits might not be the first thing on your mind. Here are some things to do after having unprotected sex to help address sexually transmitted infections (STIs), prevent unexpected pregnancy, cure urinary tract infections and prepare for next time.

Sexual assault prevention

Sexual assault and violence can have lasting impacts on individuals and communities. Learn more about consent, defining sexual assault, prevention tactics and support services.

Lean into support systems

There will be plenty of opportunities to reconnect with friends, meet new people and get involved on campus. However, it’s important to remember that it’s okay if things don’t fall into place right away. Making friends and building meaningful connections can take time and effort.

If you’re struggling or feel like you need additional support, lean into your support system by reaching out to your friends, family or loved ones back home. Peer Wellness Coaching is a free service that’s also available to help you navigate relationships, manage stress and learn about additional resources. The best part? Peer wellness coaches are CU Boulder students, so they know what it’s like to go through the motions of college.

You can also join Counseling and Psychiatric Services (CAPS) for free interpersonal therapy groups. These ongoing group counseling sessions focus on relationship-building, interpersonal skills, feedback and strategies to feel more connected with others.

Make time for movement

Oftentimes, when we think of movement, we automatically associate it with a sweat-inducing workout at the gym. However, movement can take many forms, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach. In fact, all types of movement are beneficial for our bodies and minds.

Building a healthy relationship with movement and participating in joyful movement are an important part of life-long health. Recreation Services offers a variety of recreational opportunities and is a great place to meet people, build community and relieve stress.

Check out our campus fitness guide

Learn about balanced nutrition

Figuring out how to plan meals, grocery shop and eat a balanced diet without hands-on guidance from our families can be challenging. Nutrition Services offers free nutrition clinics at Wardenburg or online. These clinics allow students to meet with a registered dietitian nutritionist (RDN) to discuss a variety of nutrition topics or concerns, including fueling for physical activity, chronic disease prevention, intuitive eating and more. In-depth nutrition counseling services are also available by appointment through the Physical Therapy and Integrative Care (PTIC) office at Wardenburg.

Check out nutrition services on campus

Treat yourself

Stress can cause tension, which can be draining on our bodies, especially over time. If you are feeling stressed, treating yourself to a massage or acupuncture session can help. �鶹��Ժ can schedule appointments at the Physical Therapy and Integrative Care (PTIC) office within Wardenburg Health Center. You can even get discounted massages from massage therapy trainees.

Learn more about PTIC services

Familiarize yourself with resources

Knowing where to go for additional information and support is an important part of managing your health. Here are just a few of the resources available to students at CU.

Mental health resources

Counseling and Psychiatric Services (CAPS)

CAPS provides mental health services for all undergraduate and graduate students, including:

Workshops
Drop-in consultations
Drop-in appointments
Therapy groups
Brief individual therapy
24/7 crisis support

AcademicLiveCare

AcademicLiveCare provides access to free online counseling, psychiatry, nutrition and medical appointments. �鶹��Ժ can access all AcademicLiveCare services for free, regardless of their health insurance plan or coverage. Please note: This program does not provide emergency or crisis services.

WellTrack Boost

WellTrack Boost provides guided self-help resources to help individuals manage symptoms related to stress, anxiety and depression. This app includes clinically supported, CBT-based tools that you can complete at your own pace. This is a great option for those who want additional support outside of counseling or who want to take a more self-directed approach.

Behavioral Health

Medical Services has partnered with Counseling and Psychiatric Services (CAPS) to provide mental and behavioral health services during appointments. Behavioral health staff can support students by evaluating mental health needs, providing compassionate care and referring students to individualized resources.

Office of Victim Assistance

OVA provides free and confidential information, consultation, support, advocacy and short-term, trauma-focused counseling services for undergraduate and graduate students who have experienced or witnessed a traumatic, disturbing or life-altering event.

Collegiate Recovery Community (CUCRC)

The CUCRC provides weekly support meetings, substance-free activities and other resources for those considering, pursuing or actively in recovery from drugs, alcohol, eating disorders, self-harm, other addictions and unwanted behaviors.

Physical health resources

Medical Services

Medical Services provides a variety of healthcare services for students, including:

Primary care
Sexual and reproductive health
Nutrition
Physical therapy
Massage
Acupuncture
Travel clinic
... and more

Free wellness supplies

�鶹��Ժ can access free wellness supplies on campus at Wardenburg or through the Buff Box program (limited to residence hall students). You can pick up or order things like:

Safer sex supplies
Naloxone and fentanyl test strips
Cold care supplies
Self-care supplies
... and more

Recreation

The Rec Center offers a variety of recreational opportunities for students, including facilities, classes, programs, trips and more. They strive to create an inclusive environment where all identities and abilities are welcome to thrive, connect and recreate.

FitWell Suite

The FitWell Suite offers a variety of services to help you lead a healthy, active lifestyle, including nutrition clinics, flu shots, physical therapy, massage, injury care and more. All services are available to Rec Center members and day pass holders unless specified otherwise.

Pharmacy

Wardenburg Health Center is equipped with a full-service pharmacy that can fill prescriptions and provide over-the-counter remedies like vitamins, allergy medications, menstrual supplies, suncare, food and beverages, pain relief and much more.

AcademicLiveCare

More wellness resources

Peer Wellness Coaching

Peer wellness coaches are trained students who listen and work one-on-one with their fellow Buffs to set wellness goals, connect with resources and learn valuable skills. Peer wellness coaches can provide support for a variety of health areas, including sleep, stress, relationships, finances, academics, careers, self-image, time management and more.

Wellness events

Health and Wellness Services offers a wide variety of free events on campus. These events cover topics like self-care, nutrition, stress management, recreation, mental health, sleep and more.

Student Support and Case Management (SSCM)

The severity of a student’s distress may be unclear, or you may be concerned about a student and don’t know how to move forward. If this is the case, you can refer students to SSCM. SSCM case managers connect students with campus partners, community resources and support systems, while also building a trusting relationship and coaching them toward self-advocacy.

Nap pods

Need to take a nap on campus? Wardenburg and the Rec Center are both equipped with relaxation stations. These stations have several nap pods that can help you rest and reset during your busy days.

Naloxone

Health Promotion provides free naloxone and fentanyl test strips to students at their main office in Wardenburg or through their Buff Box program (exclusive to residence hall students).

College is a great time to learn about your health and set yourself up for long-term success. Check out this comprehensive checklist of activities to help you thrive in college and beyond.

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3 things everyone should know about stalking

Anonymous — Thu, 18 Jan 2024 07:00:00 +0000

3 things everyone should know about stalking Anonymous (not verified) Thu, 01/18/2024 - 00:00

January is Stalking Awareness Month

Learn how you can seek support for yourself, a friend or a colleague.

Popular culture, like shows and movies, can make it seem like persistence is the key to winning someone over. However, persistence can quickly turn into discomfort or fear when it’s unwelcome. Here are a few things everyone should know about stalking.

#1 Stalking can take many forms

Stalking goes beyond following someone. It can include a variety of tactics, which can happen in person and/or online. Stalking is defined as a pattern of unwanted behavior, directed at a specific person, which causes that person to change their routine or feel afraid, threatened or in danger.

Examples of stalking behaviors include:

Repeated, unwanted phone calls, texts, messages, etc. that may or may not include direct threats
Creating fake profiles to continue contacting a person after they have been blocked on someone’s personal account
Observing, following or “coincidentally” showing up wherever the person goes
Waiting outside of the person’s class, home, job, car, etc.
Leaving notes, gifts or other items for the person
Spreading rumors online and/or in person

Posting messages or images of the person on social media or in discussion groups without permission
Vandalism or destruction of property, including sabotaging school or other work
Breaking into the person’s home, workplace or car
Hacking into the person’s social media, email or other accounts
Collecting information about or attempting to contact the person through friends, family members, coworkers or acquaintances

#2 Stalking can happen to anyone

While stalking is often directed at someone from a previous or current intimate relationship, a person can also be stalked by roommates, friends, classmates, colleagues or someone they have never met or only met once, including matches on dating apps.

Here are some ways to identify healthy, unhealthy and concerning behaviors that may prompt someone to seek additional help or support:

Healthy boundaries are: When you say “no” the other person respectfully leaves you alone and does not attempt to contact you again.

Unhealthy behaviors are: When you say “no” the other person continues to contact you again and again.

Consider discussing with someone or documenting what is happening: When you say “no” more than once and the other person tries to talk you into saying “yes,” continues to contact you and/or contacts you more often.

Consider seeking help from an advocate, the police, or other professional: When you are contacted repeatedly, the other person shows up where you are, indirectly threatens you, is disrespectful and/or does not take “no” for an answer.

Call 911: When the other person directly threatens you, tries to harm you, harms you or damages your property (including your pets).

#3 Context is key

Gift giving, location tracking, or sending multiple texts can be components of a healthy friendship or romantic relationship. It can feel really special for your roommate to bring you a coffee just because or have friends checking an app to make sure you got home safe. The key here is that these behaviors are wanted and help increase a sense of safety within the relationship.

Stalking, on the otherhand, is a pattern of unwanted behavior that reduces a person’s sense of safety. From the outside it may look similar to some of those innocuous behaviors, but to the person experiencing it, it can really feel threatening. The context of the behavior and the impact it has on the recipient is key.

Stalking violates CU’s campus policies and is considered a serious crime in Colorado. CU Boulder provides a number of reporting and support options for those experiencing stalking.

Support resources for students, staff and faculty

If you or someone you know is experiencing stalking behaviors, it’s important to connect them with appropriate support resources and services.

General support

The Don’t Ignore It website provides options for seeking confidential support on and off campus, skills for helping others and reporting options related to sexual misconduct, stalking, intimate partner abuse, harassment and discrimination.

Confidential services

�鶹��Ժ, staff and faculty can get confidential support and/or counseling through the Office of Victim Assistance (OVA) by calling 303-492-8855 or filling out a confidential request form online. This form will only be reviewed by OVA staff—the university will not be notified and no investigative action will take place. If you would like to get in contact with an OVA advocate counselor, be sure to include your contact information. OVA advocate counselors can provide additional support to help individuals explore their rights and options, make a safety plan and reporting options if needed, discuss their living situation and more.

University reporting

If you think you may be experiencing stalking, you can report the incident to the CU Office of Institutional Equity and Compliance (OIEC). OIEC can address concerns in a variety of ways including a formal grievance process or through a policy compliance meeting with the person engaging in behaviors that might be considered stalking. Additionally, OIEC may be able to provide safety and supportive measures, such as no contact orders, academic support remedies and more. You can file a report with OIEC by calling 303-492-2127, emailing cureport@colorado.edu or filling out a report online.

Law enforcement reporting

Reporting to the police can take many forms and doesn’t have to lead to filing of criminal charges. An informational or anonymous report is sometimes an option to make the police aware of the situation. Individuals may have the option to ask police to contact the person to give a verbal warning or press criminal charges. If stalking behaviors have occured on campus, contact the CU Boulder Police Department. Otherwise, contact your local police department.

Shows and movies can make it seem like persistence is the key to winning someone over. However, persistence can quickly cross boundaries. Here are a few things everyone should know about stalking behaviors.

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6 things to do after a breakup

Anonymous — Thu, 07 Dec 2023 06:00:00 +0000

6 things to do after a breakup Anonymous (not verified) Wed, 12/06/2023 - 23:00

It doesn’t matter if you’ve been with someone for a matter of weeks, months or years. The end of a relationship can still leave you feeling uneasy or uncertain about what comes next. Here are a few tips that can help you cope with a breakup and move on in a healthy way.

1. Allow for mixed feelings

Breakups can be messy, especially when it comes to our emotions. Remember that it’s perfectly normal to feel a wide range of emotions, including sadness, resentment, jealousy, regret and relief, to name a few.

All of these feelings are part of the grieving process, and allowing yourself to experience all of your emotions without judgment can be an important part of the healing process. In fact, avoiding your feelings can sometimes cause them to become more intense, or they may sneak up on you in unexpected ways. It’s also important to keep in mind that distressing feelings will likely go away or become less concerning over time. While you may be in pain now, know that it won’t last forever (even though it may feel that way).

2. Set healthy boundaries

Knowing what to do after a breakup can be difficult. Setting healthy boundaries with yourself and those around you can help protect your mental and emotional health moving forward. Here are some examples of boundaries you can set after a breakup:

Details. Remember that you’re not obligated to share the details of your relationship or your breakup. If you’re not comfortable discussing the topic with friends or family members, let them know by saying something like, “I appreciate your concern, but I’d be more comfortable not talking about my relationship/breakup right now.”
Contact. Whether you’d like to stay friends with your ex or not, it’s usually helpful to take some time apart from one another following a breakup. Set boundaries with each other by agreeing to a ‘no-contact’ period. This will provide you both with the time and space you need to heal and evaluate how you want to interact moving forward. If your ex contacts you before you’re ready to talk, don’t feel obligated to respond. Similarly, try to respect your ex’s boundaries by not reaching out to them before the ‘no-contact’ period has ended.
Mourning. It’s okay to wonder how your ex is doing, think about your relationship and even imagine a future where it all worked out. It’s also normal to find yourself browsing their Instagram, keeping an eye on their Snapchat or reading through old texts. However, setting boundaries around how you ‘check in’ on an ex can help give you some peace. Schedule time to mourn by setting a timer for 10 minutes in the morning and/or at night to check their social media or texts and just feel bummed. When the time is up, stop scrolling and focus on other activities. After a while, try cutting back your timer to five minutes or two minutes. This method allows you to experience your feelings and satisfy your curiosity without consuming your entire day.
Unexpected encounters. Sometimes there’s no way to avoid an ex. Whether you have classes together, work together or have the same friend group, it’s a good idea to plan ahead for unexpected encounters. If possible, have a conversation about how to handle running into each other. For instance, you might agree to keep conversation to a minimum, wave while walking past or only talk about work or school as needed.
Just friends. If you are working on being friends with an ex, try to set physical and emotional boundaries that help draw the line between just friends and something more. For instance, you may want to set boundaries around cuddling, close contact, spending the night, paying for each other’s meals or being each other’s primary source of support.

Harmful or abusive behaviors

Intimate partner abuse and dating violence can happen during the course of a relationship or after you break up. It’s important to remember that there is support available if you or someone you know is currently experiencing harmful or abusive behaviors from a significant other or an ex. The Office of Victim Assistance (OVA) offers free and confidential support for students who may be experiencing these types of behaviors.

Examples of harmful or abusive behaviors include:

Trying to control/make all decisions related to the relationship or breakup
Preventing a current/previous partner from socializing, working or hanging out with others
Destroying personal property or threatening pets
Trying to control what the other person does, how they look, who they see or who talk to
Using money to control or trap a current/previous partner

Manipulating a current/previous partner by using threats, insults or guilt
Keeping track of where the other person is at all times
Pushing, shoving, slapping or hitting
Engaging in continuous, unwanted contact in -person and/or online.
Asking for updates or details from family or friends
Spreading rumors about a current/previous partner

3. Reconnect with those around you

Oftentimes, relationships become our primary source for socializing and support. That’s why it’s important to spend some time after a breakup to reconnect with the people who are closest to you, including friends, family or roommates. Here are some tips to help you tap back into your support network:

Make a point to sit down for lunch or dinner with a close friend to talk about how you’re really doing and feeling. Be sure to ask them about how they’ve been doing as well.
Check in with a parent, sibling or other family member about ways they can support you.
If you haven’t been as involved at home or fulfilling your share of roommate responsibilities, talk to your roommate(s) to minimize potential frustrations or disagreements.
This can also be a good time to reconnect with yourself. Take some time to reflect on who you are outside of your relationships. Jot down a list of things you’re grateful for in life today, hobbies you want to get back to and other sources of joy in your life.

4. Focus on what you need most

Practicing self-care can feel like a chore when we’re feeling down, but it’s important to make sure your most basic needs are being met, especially after a breakup. Here are a few examples of self-care activities that are worth a try:

Journal. Organize and work through your thoughts and feelings. What was good about today? What was challenging?
Take a shower. Use your private time in the shower to dance and sing, scream, cry or simply relax.
Get outside and move your body. Take a walk around the block, enjoy window shopping or visit a local park to help you get rid of pent-up stress.
Phone a friend. Catch up with people you haven’t seen in a while by texting, calling or asking them to grab a coffee.
Get some sleep. Breakups can be tiring. Ensure you’re getting seven to nine hours of sleep each night. If you feel tired during the day, opt for a 20-minute nap.
Stay hydrated. Try to drink water throughout the day. It's a good idea to carry a reusable water bottle with you for quick and easy refills.
Eat regular meals or snacks. Grief can sometimes make us over- or under-eat. Try to listen to your body’s natural cues related to hunger and fullness throughout the day.
Take small steps. You don’t have to tackle everything at once. Approach new emotions or experiences one step at a time.
Monitor substances. Sometimes, people may try to manage difficult emotions with alcohol or other substances. However, this often just masks deeper issues that need to be addressed and can actually worsen your symptoms over time.

5. Take some time to reflect (when you’re ready)

Reflecting on your relationship with an ex can help you identify silver linings, learn more about yourself and discover healthy ways to move forward into the future. It’s okay if you’re not quite ready to dive into the details yet, but when you are ready, here are some helpful tips for reflecting.

Who were you at the start of the relationship? Who are you now?

Relationships can be catalysts for many things in our lives. Take some time to reflect on who you were when you entered the relationship versus who you are now. Here are a few questions that can help you get started.

Did you grow as a person? If yes, how? If not, why?
What did you learn about the way you handle conflicts?
Did you strengthen your communication skills?
What did you learn about the way you navigate romantic relationships?
Are there any habits you want to continue outside of the relationship?

What are your non-negotiables?

Dating provides us with an opportunity to explore our likes, dislikes and deal-breakers. Think through some of the things that are most important to you in a relationship (e.g., lifestyle choices, time together, similar goals, religious or spiritual beliefs, wanting kids, etc.).

Did you discover deal-breakers you didn’t expect in your last relationship?

Being aware of these factors can help you know what you’re willing to compromise on and what you’re not.

Is there anything you’d like to do differently in the future?

Let’s face it, nobody is perfect. While it’s important not to dwell on all the things we wish had done differently, understanding the role we’ve played in relationships can help us learn to approach them differently in the future. Think back on your time with your ex.

Are there things that you did or said that you’re not proud of?
Do you wish you would have handled a situation differently than you did at the time?
How do you want to show up in your future relationships?

Try to avoid beating yourself up about past mistakes. Instead, use this as an opportunity to accept that mistakes happen in every relationship. Be mindful of how you have approached different situations and how you might be able to do things differently in the future.

6. Reach out for additional support

Breakups can be tough, but you don’t need to go through it alone. Check out these resources for additional support.

Let’s Talk

Meet with a Counseling and Psychiatric Services (CAPS) provider during one of their free drop-in hours around campus. Let’s Talk is a great way to speak informally about your situation, gain insight, find support and connect with additional resources on campus.

Interpersonal support groups

Counseling and Psychiatric Services (CAPS) offers free process therapy groups that emphasize relationships, interpersonal skills, feedback and strategies to help you feel more connected with others. Undergraduate- and graduate-specific groups are available.

Office of Victim Assistance (OVA)

OVA provides free and confidential information, consultations, support, advocacy and short-term trauma counseling services for students, staff and faculty who have experienced or witness a traumatic, disturbing or life-disruptive event. This includes intimate partner abuse, domestic violence, stalking, sexual assault and more.

International student support

�鶹��Ժ who have experienced sexual assault or domestic violence may be eligible for U.S. immigration relief through the U visa or VAWA self-petition, regardless of their immigration status. Please speak with an immigration attorney or a non-profit organization that assists immigrants to learn more about the eligibility requirements, application process, and timeline. Learn more about free or low-cost legal immigration services.

Student Support and Case Management (SSCM)

SSCM is here to help students identify issues and appropriate resources. They also work collaboratively with students to develop an action plan. This is a great option for those who would like someone to reach out to another student or friend directly for support.

Office of Institutional Equity and Compliance (OIEC)

Thriving Campus

If you are looking to connect with a local mental health provider in your area, Thriving Campus can help you connect with a variety of providers based on specialization, needs and insurance.

Don’t Ignore It

Explore your options for seeking confidential support, reporting concerns and learning skills for helping others. If something seems off, it probably is—don't ignore it.

It doesn’t matter if you’ve been with someone for a matter of weeks, months or years. The end of any relationship can be difficult. Here are a few tips that can help you cope with a breakup and move on in a healthy way.

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6 tips to help prevent sexual assault

Anonymous — Wed, 25 Oct 2023 06:00:00 +0000

6 tips to help prevent sexual assault Anonymous (not verified) Wed, 10/25/2023 - 00:00

Halloween celebrations that involve alcohol and other substances can also make it easier for problematic behaviors and unwelcome advances to go unnoticed. Here are some tips to stay safe and have fun over Halloween weekend.

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5 essentials for a healthy relationship

Anonymous — Mon, 09 Oct 2023 07:00:00 +0000

5 essentials for a healthy relationship Anonymous (not verified) Mon, 10/09/2023 - 01:00

Whether you’re casually dating, in a long-term relationship or just figuring it out, here are a few things to look for when it comes to creating healthy relationships.

1. Communication

One hallmark of a healthy relationship is the ability for partners to communicate openly with each other about how they’re feeling. This can also be an important step in building empathy and compassion for one another.

If it’s difficult to share our true feelings with a partner, and it may mean we need to work to build more trust within the relationship. Holding back feelings could mean that we aren’t sure how the other person will respond or what they will think of us. Oftentimes, especially in a new relationship, we may need to work with our partner to figure out ways to communicate effectively with one another.

Communication can become unhealthy when one partner in the relationship feels the need to influence the other person’s thoughts or behavior. In this situation, it can be helpful to establish boundaries. Expressing your needs and setting limits are just two examples of healthy boundary-setting. Remember that a healthy relationship is also one in which boundaries are honored.

2. Listening

Having someone listen to us and feeling heard is important. In a healthy relationship, both people should feel relatively comfortable bringing up issues, expressing themselves and listening to one another. While not every conversation is going to be easy, both partners should feel that they will be listened to and taken seriously.

When a person’s feelings or needs are ignored or not respected, the relationship can suffer. It’s important for both partners to make space for the other person. Compromise and ongoing communication are key in respecting each other’s feelings, needs and values. But compromise shouldn’t always be one way.

If one partner actively disrespects, ignores or demeans the other person, this is abusive behavior. Partners who behave this way may also treat someone’s ideas or feelings with contempt. CU’s Office of Victim Assistance (OVA) offers free and confidential support for students, staff and faculty who may be experiencing these types of behaviors in their relationship.

3. Disagreements

Disagreements and conflict are normal in any relationship. It’s common to have different preferences, beliefs and values from others, even loved ones. In some cases, conflict can be a sign that something needs to change within a relationship. Many times, couples who ignore or avoid conflict risk facing increased tensions and unmet needs. However, the way couples respond to conflict is more important than the conflict itself.

Working through a disagreement in a healthy way by talking respectfully and listening to understand each other is an important component of any relationship, whether it’s with a friend, family member or partner. We also can’t assume that someone can inherently see an issue from our point of view.

If disagreements turn into fights more often than not, it may be time to evaluate how you’re communicating with one another. Try using “I” statements to soften language and use assertive communication. For example, “I would like you to stop doing that,” is a healthier way to say, “you need to stop doing that.” You can download a free PDF with examples of active listening and “I” statements from Student Conduct and Conflict Resolution (SCCR).

If conflicts escalate and feel difficult to resolve, it may cause us to fear disagreeing with our partners because it may trigger a partner’s anger, abuse or violence. Partners may resort to belittling the other person during disagreements. These are all signs that it may be time to reach out for support. OVA provides confidential support and resources for students, staff and faculty who may be experiencing these types of behavior in their relationship.

4. Intimacy

Healthy relationships allow space for mutual intimacy and connection. This means partners are able to establish healthy boundaries and talk openly about emotional and physical desires as well as what that looks like for them in a relationship. This includes talking about sex, what you want and don’t want and what feels good (or doesn’t). These types of conversations require attention and regular check-ins with our partners. You can download a free Sex Ed Workbook that is designed to help you explore your beliefs about sex, what you desire from sexual experiences and strategies for discussing sex medical providers, partners and friends.

If one or both partners feel embarrassed or unwilling to say how they feel because they’re worried their partner may not listen or care, it can make intimacy more stressful than enjoyable. If one partner’s needs and wants are ignored or if they are pushed into situations that are upsetting or unwanted, this is a sign of abusive behavior. OVA provides free and confidential support and resources for students, staff and faculty who may be experiencing these types of behaviors in their relationship.

5. Trust

It’s important to maintain relationships outside of the one we have with our partner(s) in order to have a strong support system. In healthy relationships, significant others trust one another. Trust is about knowing that someone will do what they say. It also can mean that each person in the relationship feels free to spend time with other people in their life.

A relationship can become unhealthy when one person feels jealous every time their partner talks to or spends time with other people.

If one partner accuses the other of flirting constantly or tells their partner not to talk to or interact with certain people, these may be signs of abusive behaviors and mistrust. These types of behaviors can lead to feelings of isolation as well as symptoms of depression or anxiety. OVA provides free and confidential support and resources for students, staff and faculty who may be experiencing these types of behavior in their relationship.

Resources

If you or someone you know is currently experiencing unhealthy or abusive behaviors from a significant other or family member, there are resources that can help.

Resources for students

The Office of Victim Assistance (OVA)

OVA provides free and confidential trauma-specific counseling and advocacy for students, staff and faculty around various traumatic experiences, including intimate partner abuse and domestic violence. Call 303-492-8855 (24/7) to talk to an advocacy counselor. You can also browse more information related to Intimate Partner Abuse on their website.

Counseling and Psychiatric Services (CAPS)

CAPS works with students to address a variety of mental health concerns, including navigating relationships. They also offer process therapy groups to help students learn valuable skills related to building and maintaining healthy relationships with friends, family and romantic partners.

Don’t Ignore It

This free online resource can help students, staff, faculty and community members navigate reporting options and get help for themselves or others. If it feels wrong, it probably is. Don't ignore it.

International Student Support

Resources for staff and faculty

The Office of Victim Assistance (OVA)

OVA provides free and confidential support for students, staff and faculty around various traumatic experiences, including intimate partner abuse and domestic violence. Call 303-492-8855 (24/7) to talk to an advocacy counselor. You can also browse more information related to Intimate Partner Abuse on their website.

Faculty and Staff Assistance Program (FSAP)

FSAP staff are trained as generalist counselors and are equipped to deal with a wide range of personal and work related issues. They are here to provide free mental health services to all CU Boulder employees, including workshops, brief individual therapy and couples counseling sessions.

Don’t Ignore It

This free online resource can help students, staff, faculty and community members navigate reporting options and get help for themselves or others. If it feels wrong, it probably is. Don't ignore it.

International Staff and Faculty Support

Staff and faculty who have experienced sexual assault or domestic violence may be eligible for U.S. immigration relief through the U visa or VAWA self-petition, regardless of their immigration status. Please speak with an immigration attorney or a non-profit organization that assists immigrants to learn more about the eligibility requirements, application process, and timeline. Learn more about free or low-cost legal immigration services.

Additional resources

The Safehouse Progressive Alliance for Nonviolence (SPAN)

SPAN provides a number of services to the Boulder community, including a 24/7 crisis line, shelter, counseling, legal advocacy, housing and transitional services and anti-violence education.

Violence Free Colorado

This organization can provide information on shelters and 24/7 hotlines throughout Colorado. They also provide other information related to intimate partner abuse and domestic violence specific to Colorado.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline

This hotline is available 24/7 and offers support in more than 200 languages at 1-800-799-7233. You can also chat with someone through their website at thehotline.org/help. All phone calls and chats are confidential.

The Trevor Project

The Trevor Project provides crisis intervention and suicide prevention services to LGBTQ+ communities. Access 24/7 support by calling 1-866-488-7386. Support is also available through online chat and texting.

Whether you’re casually dating, in a long-term relationship or just figuring it out, here are a few things to look for when it comes to creating healthy relationships.

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6 things everyone should know about ‘love bombing’

Anonymous — Tue, 27 Jun 2023 14:29:00 +0000

6 things everyone should know about ‘love bombing’ Anonymous (not verified) Tue, 06/27/2023 - 08:29

New relationships are exciting, especially when you meet someone you instantly click with. In many cases, feeling connected and comfortable can be a sign of a healthy relationship to come. This is true whether it’s a new friend or potential romantic interest. However, a relationship that starts off feeling great can also shift in ways that are not so great once the excitement and novelty wear off.

Here are six things to know about love bombing.

1. What is love bombing?

‘Love bombing’ is a popularized term used to describe overwhelming and often incongruent affection during the early stages of a relationship. One person goes above and beyond to please the other person by giving excessive compliments, pushing for commitment or more time together, making grand gestures and sending over-the-top gifts.

While these behaviors aren’t always indicative of love or relationship bombing, they can become worrisome when they cause someone in the relationship to feel overwhelmed, manipulated or disingenuous. It’s important to keep in mind that love bombing differs from initial friendship or courtship by what happens next, after people are more settled into a relationship.

3. What does love bombing look like?

Love bombing is characterized by a number of behaviors that are typically meant to sweep someone off their feet or make a new relationship feel extra exciting. However, it’s important to recognize when these behaviors make you feel uncomfortable. This can be especially difficult when it seems like these are things that you shouldn’t feel bad about. How can such positive things feel yucky?

Knowing how to identify what feels good and what doesn’t can help inform discussions around boundaries and comfort level. It can also serve as a guide for making important decisions about the relationship moving forward.

Here are some behaviors to pay attention to:

Extreme flattery

Receiving compliments can make us feel good and boost our confidence. On the flip side, too many compliments can feel overwhelming.

Love bombers will often:

Give sweeping compliments before they really know someone.
Insist on how much better or more unique someone is compared to other people, especially their exes or other friends.
Over communicate their feelings.
Repeat the same compliments again and again.
Flatter someone so much that the compliments may feel forced, fake or inauthentic.

Getting too personal too quickly

Getting to know someone is important, but if it feels like someone is getting too personal too quickly, it may feel invasive or awkward.

Love bombers will often:

Readily divulge highly personal details within the first few encounters (e.g. detailed dating history, medical/psychiatric history, financial or family issues, etc.).
Take an extreme interest in the other person's family, career and hobbies.
Ask probing questions or pry in an effort to know everything about someone right away.
Ask the other person to share secrets with them before properly earning their trust.

Pressure to commit

All relationships have different timelines. If someone takes the reins or forces a relationship to move faster than the other person is comfortable with, it may be a sign to hit pause.

Love bombers will often:

Pressure someone to commit to a relationship very early in the relationship.
Insist on meeting close friends or family early on.
Want to move in or get engaged within a relatively short period of time.
Have early and intense talks about the relationship’s future such as “when we move in together” or “I can’t imagine my future without you.”

Declarations of love

Deeper connections don’t happen overnight, even if sparks fly on the first encounter.

Love bombers will often:

Insist on being soulmates.
Make big displays of affection or grand gestures in public or on social media.
Say “I love you” very early on in a relationship (and may get upset if the sentiment is not reciprocated).
Insist they will “wait” for the other person if they cannot commit to a relationship right now (even if they don’t mean it).

Intense clinginess

It’s normal to want to text, call and spend time with a new friend or potential partner. However, if someone becomes too clingy, it may quickly become overwhelming.

Love bombers will often:

Text, call or want to hang out non-stop, even if the other person is busy.
Invite themselves along to the other person’s plans.
Make the other person feel guilty for ‘neglecting’ them.
Isolate the other person from friends or family.
Ignore the other person’s time, schedule and commitments.

Over-the-top gifts

Gifts can be a nice gesture, but if they are excessive or feel conditional it can be a sign that someone is trying to exploit or manipulate their partner.

Love bombers will often:

Shower partners in unneeded or unwanted gifts.
Take gift-giving to an extreme (e.g. buying five bouquets of flowers instead of one).
Buy overly expensive or excessive gifts early on (e.g. jewelry, electronics, travel, etc.)
Remind the other person of how much they’ve done for them or given them.
Use gifts as a way to make the other person feel indebted.

Jealousy

It’s normal to feel some jealousy in any relationship, whether it’s a partner, friend or colleague. However, persistent, intense jealousy can limit a person’s autonomy.

Love bombers will often:

Get upset any time their friend or partner spends time with other people.
Justifying bad behaviors by turning things around on their partner (e.g. texting an ex to get back at their partner for texting a platonic friend).
Isolate their friend or partners from others including friends or family members.
Stonewall the other person or use the silent treatment to get their way.

Constant reassurance

Everyone has insecurities, but if someone needs constant reassurance, praise or validation, it may be a sign that something deeper is happening.

Love bombers will often:

Put themselves down with the expectation that their partners will reassure them.
Get upset when their friend or partner doesn’t respond to texts or get back to them quickly enough.
Ask for confirmation of the other person’s love for them or reassurance that they’re just as committed to the relationship.

Sudden distance or coldness

Does everything seem okay… until it’s suddenly not? If someone suddenly becomes cold or distant after showing over the top affection, it could be concerning.

Love bombers will often:

Disappear without warning, even when everything seemed fine.
Withdraw or get angry when others set or reinforce healthy boundaries.
Belittle others for not being “committed enough”, especially if the other person wants to slow things down.
Point out their partner’s flaws after previously

Important note

In any relationship, it’s important to be mindful of our own emotions and experiences. If you feel embarrassed about the intensity of a new relationship or you downplay it because you think people may judge you, those are good signs that you may need to take some time to reflect on the relationship. Most importantly, if something feels off, it probably is. Trust your instincts and intuition. There isn’t an obligation to stay in a relationship that isn’t good for you.

3. Why is love bombing harmful?

Love bombing can cause emotional turmoil for the recipient as the relationship progresses.

During the beginning of the relationship, a love bomber may bombard the other person with excessive love and affection. They may seem to be too good to be true and create excitement about the importance of the relationship or the possibilities of where it could go.

However, when they sense that the other person has become comfortable and the relationship is more secure, their behavior may start to shift. Love bombers may begin to exert control over the other person.

Here are some red flags to look out for:

Limiting a person’s access to friends or family
Gaslighting the other person (e.g. shifting blame, denying the truth, minimizing or dismissing the needs of others, using love or friendship as an excuse for harmful behaviors, “forgetting” something took place, etc.)
Acting out of unreasonable jealousy
Engaging in other abusive behaviors like intimidation or physical harm

This is why love bombing is considered a form of abuse, and it often leaves the affected person feeling disoriented and confused about what changed.

4. What should someone do if they suspect love bombing?

Love bombing behaviors and patterns can be subtle. Keep in mind that kind gestures aren’t automatically indicative of love bombing or manipulation. If you’re in a new relationship and feel like something is amiss, that doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to terminate the relationship. Instead, take time to slow down and reflect on your perspective.

Here are some strategies you can use:

Set boundaries

Boundaries represent the limits, rules or expectations that we set in order to protect our own well-being. Setting and enforcing boundaries can help you navigate relationships in a more positive way and help us avoid feelings of anger, resentment or burnout over things that may have otherwise been left unsaid. In a new relationship, it can be helpful to set boundaries around how much time we want to spend with someone, how often we want to text or call throughout the day, how soon we want to meet friends or family members and what types of displays of affection we are or are not comfortable with.

Take inventory

Taking time to reflect on our life and relationships can help us identify what is going well and what is not. When taking inventory of a relationship, be sure to account for your own perspective and experiences as well as your friend’s or partner’s. For instance, it’s important to consider where you’re both coming from, what you both want out of the relationship and how you want to move forward with one another.

Consider asking yourself things like:

What was your life like before this relationship?
How has your life changed since being in this relationship?
Do you spend your time differently now than you did before?
Is there anyone you’ve lost touch with since this relationship started that you wish you hadn’t?
Do you and your friend or partner want the same things out of the relationship?
What expectations do you have for the relationship? What about your friend or partner?

Answering these questions can help you clarify your relationship and make it healthy for everyone involved.

Learn what to look for in a healthy relationship

Talk to an objective third party

Talking to others about a situation can help us gain perspective. Keep in mind that friends and family members are often invested in what they think is best for us, especially when it comes to relationships. It's important to choose a trusted person who can offer an objective perspective without judgment. If they share concerns about someone we are in a relationship with, we can try to understand why they see it that way. They may identify something that we might be missing or minimizing..

If you don’t think your friends or family can remain objective, consider talking to a mental health provider about what you’re feeling and experiencing in a relationship. This can be a great way to explore your own boundaries, expand your healthy relationship skills, identify what you value in a friend or partner and get clarity about what you want.

Accept that sometimes things just don’t work out

Give yourself permission to change or leave a relationship that feels unhealthy, and remember to show yourself compassion and kindness through this process.

Prioritize your safety

If a romantic partner or friend oversteps your boundaries or makes you question your safety, including when attempting to end a relationship, it can be important to have a safety plan in place.

Check out these safety planning tips

5. How can I help a friend who is being love bombed?

It’s never a good idea to try and control someone else’s behavior. This is true even when we are trying to be good friends and get our loved ones out of relationships that don’t seem all that great. When we try to convince or persuade others, we often lose our ability to be a supportive listener and forfeit our loved one’s trust in the process. Opening up a conversation and holding space for a friend to process whether or not they think they want to make a change or not is one of the best ways to offer support.

Here are a few tips for starting a conversation if you suspect someone is in an unhealthy relationship

Invite them to the conversation

It can be tempting to jump head first into a serious conversation or offer advice. However, this often causes the other person to feel defensive, making it harder for them to hear your perspective. Instead, invite a conversation and keep the door open for future dialog. You can say something like, “Hey, I wanted to check in with you about your new relationship.” If they say no or not right now, ask if there is a good time that you can sit down together to talk. If they say yes, you can say something like, “If you're open to it, I want to hear how things are going and what you’ve been up to.”

Listen first

When starting a conversation about something that is deeply personal, it’s important to prioritize listening. Ask your friend how their relationship is going. What are they looking for in the relationship? Are there things that are going really well or anything they don’t like or are unsure about? How do they feel about the way the relationship is progressing? Take time to listen to them without judging or interjecting your own perspective. It’s also important to keep in mind that relationships aren’t always all good or all bad. Allow your friend to share how they’re feeling and what they’ve noticed from their own perspective and experience.

Go deeper

Seek to understand what your friend is saying. If they mention something that concerns you or relates to your own concerns, ask follow up questions. For instance, if they mention that their partner has already said “I love you” but they’re not ready yet, ask them to elaborate on how it makes them feel. Does it make them uncomfortable when their partner says it? Do they feel pressured to say it back even if they’re not ready? Does their partner get upset if they don’t say it back? Allow your friend to explore their feelings and how different behaviors may be impacting them.

Be specific

As you understand your friend’s perspective more, there may be an opportunity to share your perspective. It’s always best to ask if they are open to hearing what you think. If you share concerns, it’s better to use specific examples of things that you’ve noticed, explain why it concerns you and ask them what they think of how you see it. For example, you may bring up the fact that their partner gives them lavish gifts even though they've only been together for a short period of time. If this is the case, you can share that you’re concerned because you wonder if it feels like their partner may expect them to pay their partner back if the relationship doesn’t work out or make them feel bad if they can’t return the gesture.

Be patient and show up with empathy

Put yourself in your friend’s shoes and try to see things from their perspective. Remember that they may be feeling flattered and excited about the attention they’re receiving. These feelings can often override their intuition about the situation and cause them to glaze over things that concern them. For that reason, it may take time for your friend to see things that aren’t working for them. It is also possible that they won’t share your concerns or perspective. Be patient and don’t force your perspective on them. This can often push them away. However, you can set boundaries to take care of yourself.

Ultimately, it's important to remember that you can't control your friend’s decisions about their relationships or the way they live their life. The most important thing you can do is to keep the door open for offering support, no matter what they decide to do.

6. What resources are available?

If you or someone you know is struggling in a relationship, there are resources available to help.

Campus resources

The Office of Victim Assistance (OVA)

Available for: students, staff, faculty

Counseling and Psychiatric Services (CAPS)

Available for: students

Faculty and Staff Assistance Program (FSAP)

All CU Boulder staff and faculty can access free counseling services through FSAP, including short-term individual, relationship and family counseling. Employees do not need to use paid time off (PTO) or sick time in order to access FSAP services, including during the workday.

Available for: staff, faculty

Don’t Ignore It

This free online resource can help students, staff, faculty and community members navigate reporting options and get help for themselves or others. If it feels wrong, it probably is. Don't ignore it.

Available for: students, staff, faculty

Community resources

The Safehouse Progressive Alliance for Nonviolence (SPAN)

SPAN provides a number of services to the Boulder community, including a 24/7 crisis line, shelter, counseling, legal advocacy, housing and transitional services and anti-violence education.

Violence Free Colorado

The National Domestic Violence Hotline

The Trevor Project

New relationships are often exciting. However, a relationship that starts off feeling great can also shift in ways that are not so great once the excitement and novelty wear off.

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7 things to know about drug-facilitated sexual assault

Anonymous — Wed, 01 Mar 2023 17:11:11 +0000

7 things to know about drug-facilitated sexual assault Anonymous (not verified) Wed, 03/01/2023 - 10:11

The reality is that most sexual assaults are carried out by friends, acquaintances, partners, exes or by a person someone has met online or at a party. Perpetrators often rely on substances (with or without a person’s knowledge) to commit sexual assault.

Here are seven things you should know about drug-facilitated sexual assault and drink spiking.

1. What is drug-facilitated sexual assault?

There are two primary ways that drug-facilitated sexual assault occurs.

A person takes advantage of someone’s voluntary use of alcohol or other drugs.
A person intentionally forces someone to consume alcohol or other drugs with or without their knowledge to manipulate the situation and commit sexual assault. This can include tactics like spiking drinks.

Many survivors have strong feelings of self-blame after a sexual assault, even when someone takes advantage of them through the use of alcohol or other drugs. It’s important to remember that even when someone chooses to use substances, they are not giving up their bodily autonomy or choosing to be violated. The blame for sexual assault always rests with the person who committed the assault.

2. What substances can be used to facilitate sexual assault?

Alcohol is the most commonly used substance in drug-facilitated sexual assault, but other substances can also be slipped into alcoholic or non-alcoholic drinks. This is often referred to as drink spiking.

Substances that are often used to spike drinks include:

Prescription drugs like sleep aids, anxiety medication, muscle relaxers and/or tranquilizers.
Over- the- counter medications like Benadryl, which can increase intoxication when mixed with alcohol.
Street drugs, like GHB, Rohypnol (‘roofies’), ecstasy, molly and/or ketamine (K), which can be added to drinks (alcoholic or non-alcoholic) without changing the color, flavor or odor of the beverage.

3. What should you look out for?

If you’re at a party or out with friends, it’s important to keep an eye out for sketchy situations that may indicate that someone is trying to facilitate sexual assault through the use of alcohol or other drugs.

Watch out for someone who is:

Coercing or pressuring someone beyond their comfort zone to consume more alcohol or drugs than they are comfortable with to make them vulnerable.
Initiating sexual contact with someone because they are intoxicated and less likely to resist.
Isolating someone who has had too much to drink or is having a negative drug experience to take advantage of them.
Not telling someone what is in their drink or the type of dosage of drug they are ingesting to incapacitate a person and gain access to them.

4. What are some common symptoms someone may experience?

Many symptoms of drugging are similar to those someone might experience from excessive drinking or purposefully mixing substances. This is because people can easily lose track of how much they’ve consumed. Additionally, drinking high-proof alcohol (e.g., vodka, tequila, whiskey, etc.) with a mixer or something sweet can increase the likelihood of someone becoming intoxicated quickly.

Drugging often results in sudden changes in how a person feels or behaves. These symptoms typically occur quickly even when someone has consumed very little or no alcohol.

Signs of drugging to watch for:

Sudden onset of feeling drunk after having consumed very little or no alcohol
Sudden difficulty breathing
Sudden dizziness, disorientation or blurred vision
Sudden nausea
Sudden body temperature that may result in sweating or teeth chattering
Waking up with no memory or missing large portions of memory

5. What should you do if you believe someone has been drugged?

If you notice any of the symptoms listed above in yourself or someone else, find a trusted person immediately. Friends and bystanders are particularly important in situations when someone is vulnerable due to their level of intoxication, or if a person has been intentional incapacitated by drugs in an attempt to facilitate sexual assault or other crimes. Impaired and incapacitated people are unable to advocate for and protect themselves.

Learn effective intervention strategies

6. How can you preserve evidence?

If you or someone you know suspects that they have been drugged, steps can be taken to preserve evidence for a possible investigation. Many of these drugs leave the body quickly (typically within 12 to 72 hours). If someone can’t go to the hospital immediately, they can save their urine in a clean, sealable container as soon as possible and place it in the fridge or freezer.

Find support resources or a medical center that can provide sexual assault forensic exams (SANE) and test blood and urine for substances.

7. What support resources are available?

If you believe that you have been drugged or sexually assaulted, there are resources available to help.

Office of Victim Assistance (OVA)
OVA provides free and confidential information, consultation, support, advocacy and short-term, trauma-focused counseling services for students, staff and faculty who have experienced and/or witnessed a traumatic or disturbing event, including sexual assault.

Confidential resource

Don’t Ignore It
The Don’t Ignore It website provides information about reporting, getting support and helping a friend. If something feels wrong, it probably is. Don’t ignore it.

Medical Services
Medical Services at Wardenburg Health Center provides urine testing for drugs, pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections (STIs).

Office of Institutional Equity and Compliance (OIEC)
OIEC implements and enforces university policies around sexual assault, intimate partner abuse and stalking, and other forms of sexual misconduct. If you or someone you know at CU has been impacted, reports can be filed online. Anonymously reporting is an option as well.

Police
If you would like to have your case investigated, you can contact your local police department. You can call their direct or visit a station in person. You can also contact CU Boulder Police (CUPD) for support. Call or text 911, call the CUPD non-emergency line at 303-492-6666 or visit the website.

Support for international students, staff and faculty
Individuals who have experienced certain crimes, such as sexual assault or domestic violence, may be eligible for U.S. immigration relief through the U visa or VAWA self-petition, regardless of their immigration status. Please speak with an immigration attorney or a non-profit organization that assists immigrants to learn more about the eligibility requirements, application process, and timeline. Learn more about free or low-cost legal immigration services.

Alcohol and other substances are often used to commit sexual assault. Here are some things you should know about drug-facilitated sexual assault and drink spiking.

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3 tips for dating in college

Anonymous — Thu, 09 Feb 2023 06:00:00 +0000

3 tips for dating in college Anonymous (not verified) Wed, 02/08/2023 - 23:00

Looking for low-cost date ideas on and off campus? Check out this comprehensive list of things you can do together!

Get date ideas

You might want to date to get to know new people, start a relationship or casually hang out. It’s also okay if you’re not looking to date or hookup. Sometimes, it’s nice to focus on friendships instead. If this sounds like you, check out these tips for making friends on campus.

If you are interested in dating during your time here at CU, here are some tips for making dating fun and meaningful.

1) Communicate your intent

To get the most out of dating, consider what you want from the experience. Keep in mind that not all crushes will turn into a relationship, but it can pay off to know what you want from a romantic interest.

Here are a few expectations to talk about together:

Talk through what you might be looking for. Clarify if it’s okay to date or hook up with other people or if you’d prefer to be exclusive. Keep in mind that your wants or expectations may change over time. Having ongoing conversations with your partner as your relationship evolves is key.
Does sharing similar political views, aspirations, lifestyle or other factors matter?
Clarify expectations about who will pay for things on a date. Keep in mind that sharing expenses when dating has been shown to help partners develop healthier boundaries.

It's important to remember that effective communication requires vulnerability. A prospective interest might reject you for having wants that don’t align with their own, which can be a difficult experience. However, having someone clearly communicate their intent, even if it turns out to be rejection, can still be a better outcome than being led on or having a date end poorly.

If you're using dating apps, consider using these expectations to help you tailor your profile and create meaningful filters. For instance, if you’re looking for something casual, you may want to consider filtering out people who are looking for a relationship or vice versa. Using these features and being honest about what you want allows you to set clear expectations and match with people who want similar things.

2) Embrace authenticity and connection

We are all hardwired to seek clarity, safety and stability in our relationships. However, modern dating culture may feel like low accountability and casual interactions are expected. We may feel pressured to play it cool, be chill, minimize what we want/need or avoid committing too early. Feeling constrained by dating norms and expectations can cause increased anxiety and uncertainty.

One way to combat this is to intentionally embrace authenticity and connection. Allow your true self to shine through, whether you’re meeting people online or in person. If you prefer apps, build a profile that reflects who you really are. Don’t be afraid to showcase your personality and values through photos, questionnaires or your bio. Staying true to your authentic self can make it more likely to find meaningful connections.

Remember that you can take it slow and let things evolve. Spend as much time as you need to get to know yourself and a romantic interest.

3) Identify and communicate your boundaries

Boundaries represent the limits, rules or expectations we set for our behavior. Setting healthy boundaries can help us navigate relationships in a more positive way and avoid feelings of anger, resentment, regret or fatigue.

Here are a few examples to consider:

Are you comfortable going out with someone who may be seeing other people at the same time?
Do you want to get to know someone over text before meeting up or meet up with people right away?
What physical touch are you comfortable with on a first date (e.g., handholding, hugging, kissing, sex, etc.)? How do you see physical touch evolving as you get to know someone?
How do you feel about going out with someone who has previously dated a friend or acquaintance?
Are there specific activities you’d like to avoid on dates (e.g., drinking, expensive outings, group events, etc.)?

Clarifying our boundaries in our mind first can help us communicate them and establish a healthy relationship with ourselves and potential partners.

Here are some ways you may set and communicate boundaries on dates:

“I am feeling uncomfortable. Can we do something else that we would both enjoy?”
“I’ve never done [activity] before. I’d like to go on a date with you, and I am down to try it. But if I end up not having a good time, will you be open if our plans need to change?”
“You’re hot and I really like you, but I’m not ready to have sex with you yet. Do you still want to meet up, or does that change your interest in going on our date?”

Be honest about your expectations and trust your gut. If someone dismisses your boundaries or pushes you to do something you’re uncomfortable with, they’re probably not a good fit.

Free guide for exploring sex

Sex is complicated, and you may not always know what you want. This free workbook can help you reflect on your preferences, desires, boundaries and the ways you think about sex.

Get your copy of The Sex Ed Workbook

Resources

While exploring relationships may feel easy and great, it can also be rocky or challenging. Here are some resources that are available for relationship support, self-exploration and more.

Support resources

Let’s Talk

Let’s Talk is a free service where CU Boulder students can meet for an informal, brief, confidential consultation with a CAPS counselor. Let’s Talk counselors can help provide insight, solutions and information about additional resources. �鶹��Ժ commonly visit with concerns about stress, sadness, worry, relationships, academic performance, family problems and financial struggles.

Medical Services

Medical Services offers sexual and reproductive health appointments and resources for all students, including birth control, annual exams, testing for sexually transmitted infections (STIs), HIV prevention medications, free safer sex supplies and more.

Free safer sex supplies

Did you know you can get free safer sex supplies like condoms, dental dams, lube and more? Stop by the first or third floor of Wardenburg Health Center or order a free Buff Box for delivery to your residence hall.

Office of Victim Assistance (OVA)

OVA provides free, confidential trauma-focused counseling, advocacy, information and referrals for all CU community members, including undergrad and graduate students, staff and faculty. They specialize in addressing current and past life-disruptive events, including but not limited to crime, trauma, sexual assault, partner abuse, experiences of bias, harassment, discrimination, assault, other abuse and violence.

Group therapy

CAPS offers process groups that provide a supportive space for students to deepen self-understanding and explore ways of relating more comfortably to others. This group can help students learn to deal with feelings of depression and anxiety, family dynamics and other personal concerns.

Peer Wellness Coaching

Peer wellness coaches are trained students who can help their fellow Buffs navigate their time at CU. They are here to help students set and achieve their goals related to academic success, relationships, time management, personal wellness and more.

Love bombing

New relationships are exciting, especially when you meet someone you instantly click with. In many cases, feeling connected and comfortable can be a sign of a healthy relationship to come. However, a relationship that starts off feeling great can shift in ways that are not so great once the excitement and novelty wear off. Here are some signs to watch out for.

Stalking

While stalking is often directed at someone from a previous intimate relationship, it can also occur between former friends, roommates or someone the person has never met before, including matches from dating apps. Learn how to identify stalking behaviors and connect with resources.

Intimate partner abuse

Intimate partner abuse occurs in relationships that are or have been intimate. Abuse can take many forms, including verbal, emotional, physical, psychological, sexual, financial or reproductive abuse. Learn how to identify intimate partner abuse and connect with resources, or learn the difference between healthy and abusive behaviors in a relationship.

Sexual assault

Sexual violence and abuse can have lasting impacts on individuals and communities. Learn about sexual assault, consent and resources available for students.

If you’re in a relationship or open to dating, here are some tips that can help you create a meaningful, healthy and happy relationship.

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